I’ll steal a line from our politicians, but “Let Me Be Clear,” that feeling a bit nervous on your wedding day is 100% completely natural. The real question is if it should be of any concern.
There are two main reasons why couples feel a bit jittery on and before their wedding day:
THEIR NERVOUSNESS REVOLVES AROUND WEDDING PLANNING
If a couple has not been in touch with any their wedding vendors and can’t get a hold of them in any way, that couple has all the right to be nervous. In fact, their nerves should be rattling because something is terribly wrong! All vendors should be in touch with their couples before your wedding, whether it’s via text, email, a meeting, or a simple phone call.
I’ve been to weddings where a couple hired just our minister and their photographer didn’t show up. Luckily, I had my camera and saved the day. The photographer later contacted the couple and told the bride that he was busy and another photographer was supposed to cover him but didn’t show. The photographer was a college student and apparently, he had his finals. He refunded their money, but that wasn’t the point. Ironically, he was a business major. I tell you what, he may have aced that test but he failed in business that day.
If you can’t get a hold of any wedding vendor, it’s time to kick them to the curb – fast before there’s trouble on your wedding day
Now, there’s a part two to this topic about wedding planning.
If you’re a bride or a groom who is just anxious about everything turning out perfect, that’s natural, but it’s not healthy to obsess over it. If you’re worried about rain, you’re going to be obsessed with checking weather reports. If you’re worried about the color of your table clothes, you’re going to hammer your rental company’s phone. There’s one thing to be concerned, it’s another thing to be obsessed.
This is exactly how Groomzillas or Bridezillas evolve out from rather sane individuals. Don’t evolve into a problem!
More than likely, everything is going to go right with your wedding if you hired out professionals for your wedding. As for controlling the weather, you can plan for the worst, but if it’s going to rain, it’s going to rain, and you just have to accept it.
But overall, just go with the flow for that day and enjoy the moments that unfold. If there are any screw ups along the way, it’ll just be a great story to tell.
YOU’RE JUST NERVOUS OR ANXIOUS
I don’t have to say the obvious, but I will. Getting married is serious business. In the next fifteen minutes, everything will change. Your souls will be tied, along with your finances, let’s not forget your name and legal status. If you’re planning to start a family, it could all officially begin in the next fifteen minutes. I say “could” because some couples come to me with a family already started before they get married.
If you’re having doubts, cold feet, trust me, that’s natural. It’s just a big moment.
These days, what I tell my clients to calm themselves is rather simple. I offer them the advice of abandoning all agendas in their mind; to not worry about the future, and to stop complaining about the past. Live in this moment only. It’ll bring you, the bride or groom, clarity. And then, you can think straight.
This works 99.9999999% of the time.
There was a time when it didn’t work ~ wanna hear the story?
I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m no brain doctor. I haven’t even stayed at a Holiday Inn recently! When I was first starting my business, I remember a young bride locked the door to her Bridal room when everyone left.
She sat down and looked at me straight in the eye and poured out her concerns to me, “Steve, I don’t think I can go through with this. I need advice. I don’t want to listen to my parents, my girlfriends, or anyone. I need someone neutral. You need to talk to me. ”
My first thoughts? This is just a usual nervous bride. She’ll snap out of it sooner or later.
The nervous Bride continued to explain why she had cold feet and then I answered. “Look,” I took a breath and basically paraphrased the bible’s definition of love. “You need to ask yourself if you love him. You need to understand that love isn’t a feeling, it’s not an emotion. It’s purely a commitment. It’s unlike any other commitment, but that’s what it is.” I had to throw a joke in there, “So I love my Philadelphia Eagles, but I hate them at the same time. Hate, joy, happiness, sorrow, these are emotions. These are things I experience during one hour of watching the Eagles. But I still love them. Get it? That’s commitment.”
The Bride nodded.
I looked at the Bride straight in the eye and said, “I’m going to leave this room. And you literally have two choices here and two doors. One door will bring you to the ceremony. The other will lead you to the back entrance of the house and straight to the limo. Both decisions are going to affect you forever. Neither is absolutely right or wrong. Just know there’s no turning back whatever you decide.”
I left the room and came back around five minutes. The Bride had left the building and left a note to the groom. They never did reconcile and the Bride did end up marrying someone she loved. She did thank me a few years later but didn’t book me for her 2nd Hawaii Wedding. She thought it would have been awkward for her new husband. She never did tell me why groom#1 wasn’t the man for her. He seemed like a nice guy. Hey, sometimes nice guys finish last.
Here’s a couple who knew who to have fun. Their wedding vacation didn’t start off well. The Bride got her cell stolen. She later got a mild case of allergies. The Groom fell down a hiking trail. On their wedding day, it rained. The next few days later, it stormed really bad. Oh, I forgot to mention, they came to Hawaii because Hurricane Maria devastated Puerto Rico, and that’s where they originally were planning to tie the knot.
But despite all of this happening, they still had the time of their lives.
[srizonfbalbum id=87]
Steve Young
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