WEDDING VOWS SPECIAL WORDS
If you’ve read through the advice given on my website, it’s brutally honest. And today’s advice is no exception. Your vows can be significant or be insignificant, and in the long run, twenty or thirty years down the line, it really won’t matter – especially if you’re a horrible spouse, or marry one. I’ve had couples who have written the most beautiful words that brought me to the verge of tears, just to find out that they broke up a few years later. And then, I’ve had couples who just used our generic vows, and are still together till this day because they put in the elbow grease a good marriage requires.
So am I saying that vows don’t matter for your wedding ceremony? Hell no. They do matter. They especially matter on that day because it will make your wedding day so much better, and can be a springboard for a lot of great things to come. But it won’t hold your marriage together if you happen to marry an asshole, or you are in fact, the asshole.
I have a few steps to writing from your heart and they are all listed below. You can follow all the steps or follow none. It’s your call. But step five I think is a must.
STEP ONE: DON’T WRITE WEDDING VOWS!
Yeah, you read that correct, it’s not a typo. I repeat, don’t write wedding vows – write special words. Don’t promise to do the dishes, don’t promise to be a great partner, don’t promise anything. You will say this though subtext.
STEP TWO: TELL THE STORY WHEN YOU KNEW THEY WERE THE ONE
This will be different for every couple. For some, it could be love at first sight, it could be a realization after years of dating. Who knows, this revalation could have happened in the last six hours (I’ve had couples who we’ve married who literally met the day before). Whatever the story is, tell it.
STEP THREE: TELL YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE, HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM
You love this person for a reason, maybe one thousand reasons. Tell a single story, or choose your favorite three reasons.
STEP FOUR: TELL WHAT YOU IMAGINE OR HOPE FOR IN THE FUTURE
This is pretty straight forward but at the same time, it’s important to explain it in a fashion that you’re not setting an agenda for your marriage. This is where you can include you own special promises or vows. It’s really important you tell you or your fiance don’t copy what they find off the internet because it’ll sound like the standard vows that you will be repeating after you finish.
STEP FIVE: DON’T FORGET TO SAY “I LOVE YOU”
Saying “I love you” is how you end your special words. Make sure to look at your spouse when you say this.
Now, I know what you’re thinking.
“Steve, why in the hell are we writing special words and not vows?”
Well, it’s because vows are usually very standard, and best said staring eye-to-eye. For our company, when couples write their own special words, they usually read it off of a paper or a cell phone, and they lose eye contact with their future partner-in-crime. This loses some of the emotional power of those words. I prefer couples to say their special words off the cuff, from their heart, raw and honest. But it doesn’t always work out that way.
The time to insert the special words can happen before the vows, or after. Usually, the minister will play it by ear, reading the emotions of the couples. If they are too nervous in the beginning, it’s better to read the special words right before they kiss at end the ceremony. If they have settled down by the middle of the ceremony, it works best to do it before the vows.
If you’re wondering what the vows are like, here they are. The bride or groom will repeat after each line. We break it up because it’s easier to repeat, and also for dramatic effect.
I (name)
take you (spouses name)
to be my (wife/husband)
I want to share with you my life openly
While I love
honor
and stand by you always.
(spouses name) I chose you for my (wife/husband)
to care for you
trust you
honor you
respect you
I will love you in good times and bad
When we are together
And when we are apart
I will always offer you my open heart
And I promise to be forever faithful
For today
And all of our tomorrows
(Spouses name) this to you I promise
There are different versions that we use, but this tends to be our standard. There’s no need to memorize this. Just repeat what our minister days. If you want to check out these vows in action, click here. In the video below, the special words come at the end.
the password is “love”
AND THEN THERE’S THE GOLDEN STEP:
Which is you don’t have to follow whatever I wrote because this is just my opinion and ultimately, you need to do what you feel is important to you and your fiance on that day.
Hope this helps! And if it doesn’t you can’t sue me because we live in America.
Steve Young
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