Watchmen: My Movie Review
...no spoilers...

Watchmen, the long anticipated movie, answers the few long lost questions that were left in the superhero world...oh....in three hours. Those questions:

• What if superheroes were hippies?
• What if Chevy Chase was Batman?
• What if superheroes chose to work and fight crime naked?

Watchmen, the movie, is an adaptation of the most successful graphic novel ever published, from what I heard. In case you don't know what a graphic novel is, just think, long comic book. The semi-disturbing, semi-action, semi-snoozer, semi-bladder-breaker movie runs 2 hours and 45 minutes short. Supposedly there is two more hours worth of kidney-straining footage out there which had to get cut.

Is the movie good? To me, it's average to below average, so what is that...1.8967 stars? It's hard for me to really rate this movie because of the constant hippie overtones this movie takes on, and I just don't agree with that type of thinking. There's the oil is bad theme going on, then the who is the real bad guy theme going on, and then the Mr. Spock, is that you in blue and naked again theme going on. Oh did I forget to mention, there was TOO-MUCH-FRONTAL-FULL-MONTY MALE-SCHLONG-NUDITY in this movie. There was just too much male nudity period, and not enough female nudity to balance it out. I mean, comen on! If there was less male nudity in this movie, I would have at least gave it 2 1/2 stars... Also, there is too much graphic sex in this movie as well. Why do they have to put either in? Why is there any nude scene? It's supposed to be a superhero movie right?

The creators of the graphic novel said they created the Watchmen graphic novel because they wanted a more realistic view of what real superheroes would be like. It's strange to think these characters are what these authors view as realistic. Just watch the movie, and you will be scratching your head. The finale of the movie will leave you scratching your ass.

Do I recommend the movie? Despite my complaints, I still have to say I do because no matter what I say, you'll probably end up seeing it. Overall it's neat, it kept my attention, and seeing Chevy Chase kick ass...just made it disturbing... Just make sure you don't drink any soda during the movie, or else you'll end up in the bathroom halfway through. But lets break it down here.

If you are a liberal gay man (not joking here) you will love this movie.

If you are a conservative, who is straight, you will be on the fence.

If you hate graphic violence, you will hate it.

If you hate overly sexual scenes, you will hate it.

If you liked 300, it won't matter.

If you are a comic book fanatic, you will love it.

This movie is definitely not for kids.