A sad thing happened this month. The DLNR, the Department of Land and Natural Resources, or as I would like to call it, the Department of Losers and Natural Retards, is out to ruin yet another one of Hawaii's thriving industries....the wedding industry, and we can thank, socialist, Laura Theilen, for spear-heading the stupidity.

Here's what happened. The State passed a law a few years back to require permits for anyone conducting business on the beaches of Hawaii. This would include anyone who opened a surf-school, kayak rental company, or was invovled with the wedding business. The entire purpose of the permits were not to make money for the State of Hawaii, but to preserve the enviroment of the beaches for all the public to enjoy. There was one problem though that arose. Who and which business would get these permits?

Well, there weren't many surf schools or kayak rentals out there, so it was easy to limit the number to a handfu of companiesl on all beaches. But when it came to the robust and thriving wedding industry, there were just too many businesses which would apply. So the State put the beach wedding permit law aside, and everyone went on their way...happy.

But that was then. In steps Laura Theiland.

Since communist Laura took hold of the DLNR, she has managed to stifle almost every major industry in Hawaii. At one time, Longshore fishermen were able to make a living in the State of Hawaii. But the DLNR, said that our waters were off limits to Oahu based fisherman, as they were damaging the enviroment, endangering whales and dolphins...when of course, they weren't. So, out of business goes the longshore fisherman, and in steps the Japanese and Chinese fishermen, who basically out fish our population, because they are immune to laws from the State of Hawaii... So Laura killed the fishing industry here. But it gets better.

We once had a handful of inter-island cruiships here. Well, the DLNR decided that the cruiseships were causing too much damage to the enviroment, and now...we only have one inter-island cruise ship. Nice job....

Oh, but were not finish. Just recently the DLNR successfully halted the business of the Hawaii Superferry, a magnicant ferry that would interconnect all the island with each other. Laura decided that dolphins were too stupid to move out of the way of a fast moving boat.... So, the Superferry almost went out of business, and may still go out of business, if a EIS (Enviromental Impact Statement) finds the Superferry harms the enviroment. She's too stupid to know that Dolphins play in the waves the ferry, or any boat. Just because Laura, the communist, struggles to get out of the way of fast moving object, doesn't mean that they are losers like her.

Yes, so Laura is at it again, trying to shut down, yet another harmful industry...the wedding industry. Her plan is simple, to require all weddings, on all beaches, even those outside her jurisdiction, to get a permit. The minimum amount spent on a permit is $20 dollars (the larger the space used, the more expensive). But, the wedding coordination company would have to pay for 1 million dollars worth of insurance. Yikes. So that basically puts up the permit cost to around $150 per couple. But even that's not the problem. The problem is what the DLNR would eventually do. Right now, they are saying, there is no limit to the amount of permits given out.

BUT THE DLNR, IS ALL ABOUT REGULATION. THAT'S ALL THEY DO. THEY REGULATE.

So eventually, they will limit the number of weddings that can happen on a beach at a given time.

Now, I quized a DLNR employee, on this entire permiting process candidly, off the record.....(but it wasn't off the record really). I just told him that to get some info from him. I asked him the following questions. Here is our converation to the best of my knowledge....

Does the DLNR eventually want to regulate the amount of weddings on beaches in Hawaii?
Yes. Once the permit system is set up and running, it's only a matter time till we limit the amount of beach weddings that can take place on any state park or unencumbered land

Does the DLNR have jurisdication over unencumbered land?
Not really, only over State Land. Most beaches in Hawaii are city and county land. But some beaches have state parks in front of them, so we are requiring a right-to-enter permit. So that's how we plan to get around that.

So in a way, you are charging a fee for land you really don't own.
Yes, I guess we are.

And you're trying to evntually regulate it.
Yes. Pending an EIS report on certain beaches, we will most likely regulate the amount of weddings on a beach. There are some beaches that are having too many weddings happening on it, and people are complaining.

In my life of doing weddings on the beach for the past 5 years, I've only seen one person complain about a wedding, and she was some old rich hag, who tried to break up a wedding at Lanikai. Only one complaint. Everyone else enjoys it, and most locals. It's the haoles that come in and hate...you know that...
Well yea...but they have a right to hate...

True, this is America, you have the right to be an asshole I guess.
No response

So say in the future, you have this one beach, that can only have 10 permits per day. Who gets those permits?
We haven't figured that out yet. But most likely, first come first serve....

Wouldn't that stifle competiton though? Now couples would be forced to book with wedding companies that have those time slots. What if they are quack companies?
That's not our problem. Our problem is the enviroment

Interesting. So what if I do luck out and get one of those permits for 3pm...but it rains, and my couple wants to move to another location. Can we?
If there is no permit for the other location...no.

So they have to do their wedding in the rain.
Look, I can't answer all of these questions. We're not even sure.

But the DLNR is planning to break up weddings without permits right. So you have to be sure of which ones to break up right?
Kinda. Look...I'm can't speak on behalf...

How about if I have a permit for a 3pm wedding at Magic Island, but all the permits for sunset are with another company. Will couples be forced to use those companies?
Ahm....well, yeah. It looks like that's what would happen. We are already forcing people to use the Kayak rental companies that have permits, there is no compeition there. So when we will regulate the weddings..yeah, couples will be forced to use only companies which have permits

And you think that's right...to stifle competition? Isn't that communistic?
(looks left and right) Look, I don't like it either. To me, hell yeah it's communistic. It's stupid. In fact, I don't know anyone in the office who has the balls to break up a wedding and be that asshole. I feel the same way you do, as with others here. It's the board, the boss, it's just a mess. But they are going to ruin th wedding industry if you ask me.

So I struck a cord with this guy as he walked off from his smoke break. He disagreed with their communist leader. I find it so strange that the DLNR believes that weddings can cause a horrible impact on the beaches. But what about the homeless people who sleep, crap, and piss on the sidewalks of these beaches...not to mention, litter and harass tourist. The DLNR doesn't care about them. They set up camp cities on the beach, make it scary for locals to go to the beach, deal drugs, rapes women, eat dogs, and they can do it all without a permit...and all Laura can think about, is regulating weddings because weddings are the problem.

SO WHAT NOW FROM HERE?
It looks as though for now, I'm going to have to tack on a $150 dollar permit fee for weddings. And then, I'm probably going to keep doing business until they start regulating...and then, I'm probably going to have to close my doors like many other wedding companies in Hawaii. I can tell you one thing. Those companies that get permits on the beaches, are very much deep into politics...campaign contributions, and what not.... I'm not ready to play that game.....

There is a lawsuit that may be pending in the near future to stop this permitting process..but well see what goes on.

ISN'T OUR STATE STUPID?